Friday, May 29, 2015

A Collection of Angelfire Posts for Posterity pt 2 - 2004

Thee Archives de '04 
12-11-04
Sometimes its hard living in a city with no night. Sometimes winter makes me sad. Sometimes I just want to scream and punch and flail and show everyone how average they are because they think that I am something special.

12-04-04
Gosh, has there been something lately about authors that abbreviate their names? or is that just me? ~ J.D.Haan

11-15-04
Yesterday I got a mini-tape recorder. Already its revealed some interesting things. Maybe I'll even put them on here when I remember to bring it with me to a computer terminal. Addendem: Lee, you need to call me about Christmas.

Update: 11-27-04
As promised, here are some of the excerpts that exemplify my existance. : :

- Uh, first question: Derek tells me its because of Nietzsche and sad bastard music, we'll never talk the same.
- Sometimes I wonder if, uh, love seats are just ordinary couches that someone snuck in and stole the middle sections from, left the leftover, unwanted sides to.
- It seems the crackling of your teeth betrays as you open your mouth with your fake grin.
- And in this dream the village was being terrorized by some mad scientist and his giant wolf dog dragon creation and everyone was leaving the village in fear which I think was his intent and I was left in the only house left with this whiny olde grandmother and this soft, late middle aged father with short, spiky grey hair. The entire thing led up to some armouring and some fighting, some first person perspective climax. He came back into the house wounded, but he'd done it, he'd killed the, killed the creature, and killed the creator. He laid down on the floor as though to die. He said, "Well, I suppose thats about it for me" I grabbed him. My voice cracked with emotion "Don't leave me. I couldn't even kill a dragon on my own yet." He got back up and he said "I guess I can carry on then. Anyways," he says, "I guess its about Derek's turn then right?"
- Been thinking, love the sound of a Hammond B-3. There's gotta be some drums behind it, doing kind of a descending scale. Doesn't have to be complicated. Pretty neat sound though.
- There's something a lot more significant to me about Bob Seeger's Turn the Page. I'd rather listen to that than just about anything by Rush.
- I really hate when, uh, certain things are emphasized. Either by being bigger or being capitalized. Like, if you were to read it out loud, you would say ridiculous things because you'd have to yell whenever there was an exclamation mark, or three, that's another pet peeve. How about 'LAND of the FREE' or 'these colors don't RUN' Yeah, ok that proves a point somewhere. Get a grip.
- (me)Start talkin' (Derek)Is the light on? I don't think its on(me)It's on (Derek)Is it? (me)Yeah look at it (Derek)Oh my gosh. (me)Derek has declared that he hates family and American holidays. (Derek)It's true. Did you know they released the Nirvana box set? Did you know Franz Ferdinand was offered a cameo spot on the latest Harry Potter film? (all around laughter)
- I don't know if there's a lot more thats drifter than eatin' a sandwich on the road. There's just somethin' about trying to bite around your fingers, leaning all the way forward to the steering wheel, cause.. somebody's gotta hold the tape recorder. I just thought I'd share that.
- All this snow everywhere gives me all these mixed feelings. I feel sad and I feel happy and I feel proud and I'm up and I'm down and I wanna sleep and I wanna run and I wanna make films and I'm not doing any of it. I'm just driving through it. This is some sort of metaphor for my life.
- It occured to me that the vomitorium still exists in the bar bathrooms because alcohol slows down the digestive tract, so, no one poops at a bar. They're there solely to vomit into. Because, the sink clogs up.

10-23-04
I haven't decided yet which is a more worthy reflection; the last time I bought something with just a penny, or how few people if any actually see this page. Those of you who used to come and read it out of some sort of sympathy have given up hope and those I refer to it, never really pay attention. So here is my new song:

When I'm drinking, I develop this strange pride in everything I do or say. This pen bleeds ink too easily. Rachel's on the phone with her sister, so that will be another hour or so. So here I sit and write and wait for her undivided attention again. Is it okay that I write while I'm drinking? The pen is held so lightly above the paper that its a miracle I ever make contact at all. A mysterious sound crystallizes out of the speakers. A couple of seconds pass. I let them. Then I realize its a saw. Someone is playing a saw. With a surety and a delicacy I can only begin to grasp. That was neat though. Maybe someday I'll learn that too. Do I have the time? Do I have the initiative? Well yes and no.

"Thats why everybody was laughing so. I tried to laugh too. I couldn't. I became sad, frightfully sad, sadder than I've ever been in all my life. I don't know what came over me."

"This is the story that makes you laugh in your sleep, the story that starts the tears flowing when you are in the middle of a ballroom and suddenly realize that none of the people around you know what a genius you are. How they would laugh and weep if they could only read what you have not yet written because every word is absolutely true and so far nobody has dared to write this absolute truth except yourself and this true book which is locked up inside you, would make people laugh and weep as they have never laughed, never wept before."

09-05-04
Ramen Journal #15
Flavor: Roast Beef
Ramen Rating: Rotten Cheap
Name Accuracy: Actually some odd little essence of leftovers.
Stench: After my recent foray into Chinatown, I can say with authority: the underside of a Chinaman's shoe. Dude, Chinaman is no longer the preferred nomenclature.
Comments: To my knowledge, the last of the Maruchan Ramen flavour variety. One sad day for the Ramen Journals. One giant leap for the Ramen Journals. And Jasper Johns.
Cooking tips: Scramble yet another egg. Put in the ramen. Eat. Maybe eat Pork flavour instead with a scrambled egg, some pork, and a little bit of Pica-Pica.

Ramen Journal #14
Flavor: Picante Beef
Ramen Rating: Aldi Cheap
Name Accuracy: Not beefy. It's Ramen for shite's sake. A bit hot like 'aaugh'. No, that's not it. Aaugh in the back of the throat.
Stench: Vague, almost fruity
Comments: Better than beef. Which is to say, better than a kick in the eye with a steel toed boot.
Cooking tips: Add cabbage and onions to the mix. Maybe a scrambled egg. Maybe some chicken breast. Maybe eben the 100 year egg. But probably not.

08-18-04
Margarine is now a suitable replacement for butter
Today I had my first really paying couple of hours of hospital work. It was mostly boring. I sat around a lot and waited for my nurse to put me to work. She was doing a lot of paperwork. I guess I can't really help too much with that. But then someone died. For those of you who don't know my darkest secrets, I have never seen a fresh corpse. Yes, I've been to a haunted house, a few funerals, and Wal-Mart; but never anything newly dead. More firsts today:
 - First toe-tagging
 - First body-bagging
 - First bringing a body to the giant Frigidaire in the hospital basement
 - First going back to the basement to find the body because the family decides now they want the wedding ring.
 - We used margarine. We despoiled a dead body. I am now a veritable tomb raider.

08-11-04
Strange things one learns in the South. In a smalltown, proclaiming your own ignorance as a political platform is widely accepted. The word "f'reel" is fairly common. And not in a rap supastar sense. "I told ma doctor I didn't f'reel good. He tol me you ain't een godda feyver" And lastly every man who comes into the bank is sporting a healthy mustache. And the ones that don't, well there's just something funny about that them that took me awhile to figure out. Then I realized. They don't have a mustache.

07-21-04!
That's right. I haven't written here in awhile. Its ok though I know two people that read it. One of them is me. I've graduated college. I've seen Kill Bill 2. And liked it. I've taken tons of review for my boards. I've interviewed for roughly 1O jobs. I have no job. I took my boards. For roughly 65 hours, or the amount of time since then, I've seriously considered working at a guitar store, joining a monastic sect, driving to Canada and not coming back, and various other forms of soft suicide. But my car died. So none of those are going to work. I am sitting at someone else's computer putting off paying the 8 bucks to see my results early (which I almost didn't do because of the principle of the matter, but my drunckle donated a couple bones to the cause). Hence this entry. If you hear nothing, assume I failed and had to go console myself with some Canadian brew now that my car is working again. Or assume I'm out celebrating with some Molson. And I would walk five hundred miles. And I would walk five hundred more...
P.S. I just noticed that most of 'pass' is 'ass' Maybe thats good.


04-19-04
Good idea: Pitting Alex Trebec, Regis Philbin, and Bob Barker against each other on some syndicate game show
Bad idea: Swearing at inanimate objects when you feel helpless
Good idea: Watching Scarface with my favorite cocka-roach.
Bad idea: Writing a complete resumé the night before I need it.
Good idea: Sitting on the couch outside blocking sidewalk traffic all day.
Bad idea: Videotaping a duck hand puppet being dragged behind a car.
Good idea: Stop blogging when you run out of ideas.
Bad idea: Blogging anyways.

04-05-04
Cars that it will soon be very cool to ghetto up
Remember when it was cool to rhyme about a 6-4 Impala? The Monte Carlo has had its day in the sun as well. Next on the stage, we have an entire series of cars that just cry out for the bling-bling gangs to feature them in their videos with 24 inch rims and 3 coats of sparkle blue paint. Chevy has been a real winner. The Nova, the Celebrity, the Rendezvous. But let us not forget the Ford Probe. Why just this weekend I spotted a bright orange Probe with racing vinyl and a spoiler on the back big enough to make any jigga show his gold fronts. You learn a lot in Michigan I guess. Like don't stick your tongue out while you're on a pogo stick. And don't tell crazy olde men you jumped their four-wheeler into an almost frozen lake. Even if you did. Regardless, these cars will soon be seen in any major midwestern city parading the scrilla on Saturday night whence we shall all commence partying like its someone's date of birth. Word.

03-01-04
Archival
In an ongoing effort to contain all my rage, I've put all of last year's entries onto an
archives '03 page.
Please adjust your seatbacks accordingly.

02-27-04
Try it cause its new!
Todays thing that sucks: overly baggy turtlenecks. They don't keep you warmer than normal turtlenecks, they make you look like you are trying to cover an extraordinarily itchy hickey, and, pete's sake people, when has fashion ever been the thing to do?

02-25-04
Fitness water is nonsense
Drinking is for a reason. If I want to drink soda, its going to be for caffeine or carbohydrates. Take away either of those and I fail to see the point. Recently an epidemic of men drinking Diet Coke with Lime has really been upsetting me. These men are by no means fat. Nor do they need that extra chemical in their mouth that says, "hey don't forget about me, I prevent scurvy!" but really doesn't.
Next point: fitness water. Fitness water? Isn't any water that doesn't have 5% salt or more in it good for you? Who's the marketing genius who came up with this one? Lets flavor water and sell it as healthy. I decided to try some of this fitness water. Within 10 minutes of downing the bottle I was ready to dunk a basketball or ski a biath-lon, but instead just ended frotteurizing all the kids in my building.
Last one: fitness beer. This is so ridiculous I don't even know how to respond. I don't drink beer for the taste, if I did, O'douls would be my choice poison. I don't need Michelob to tell me that they have a beer just for me and if I really wanted to stay in shape I would drink it. Because thats what athlete's do.

02-24-04
My professor is a ninja-turtle
In class I do progressive drawings. Nursing classes are boring. I think I've mentioned this. I made a drawing of the lines around my professor's mouth. This turned into a cartoon character. In phase three, it grew a handlebar style mustache. My professor is a french cartoon. After trying out a serious of expressions, around phase seven, the cartoon grew agitated by the pervasive invective towards physicians and grimaced mightily. Phase eight it becomes Donatello. Nine is a profile view of a ninja masked eye. Phase ten becomes some new sort of creature independent of any sort of respiratory or digestive system. I redrew phase ten but it needed a something. Phase eleven it becomes some sort of bird obviously rolling its only eye at the thought that baccalaureate registered nurses are morally superior by default to licensed vocational nurses. Bite me you stupid bird. You never laughed at my jokes.

02-18-04
Bigamy
Today I started posting on a different site. Not because I like to. Not because I enjoy the lack of creative freedom. But because its accessible to other members of this group. Its true: I have joined the XANGA. Prepare to be assimilated. I think its this link:
Hope & Compromise

02-11-04
Death and Role-Playing
Nursing classes are boring. Nursing students are boring, whether as a cause or as a result, the question remains. Today was my latest attempt to stimulate spontaneity, randomness, conversation not regarding nursing or who got engaged last weekend, etc.  I would love to travel. I look at the map. Greenland is owned by Denmark. Amazing. I should visit. On the board in front of class I write:

Places to Visit in Greenland:
 - Scoresbysund
 - Upernivik
 - Sjorapaluk
 - Angmagssalik
 - Savigsavik

One student asks: "Places to visit in Greenland?" Everyone else accepts it as truth and copies it down into their notebooks. (ok I didn't see this last part, but I assure you its like this)
As further evidence of the ineptitude boredom leads to boring or vice versa argument, I cut out a piece of the psychiatric nursing test I took this morning. In the line of patient questioning it goes like this:
"Are you taking any alcohol in any form?" This always gets to me. Nurses not only refer to alcohol as something you don't drink, you use, but they aren't even aware of whether it comes in pill form or not. They in turn rely on the psychiatric patient to enlighten them. I think I'm out of my league.

02-04-04
THE List
Other things to add to the list:
 - Things I like: Being outside late at night and watching the lights go out one at a time in someone else's house.
 - Things I detest: People who let out a little giggle and occasionally drop their head down and forward (kind of like a pigeon) when they decide to share the mundane details of their useless life with me. No I don't think its cute that we have a new assignment. No I don't find it amusing that you disagree but can see my point. No I DON'T think its funny that you're cold.
 - Things I detest: In a list of three things, when writers decide to put a comma after the first item but not the second.
 - Things I detest: When I'm writing and the end of the line breaks up a sentence fragment or I have to waste a line by putting a single word by itself on it because it wouldn't fit otherwise.
 - Things I like: Popping bubble wrap.
 - Things I detest: When someone uses "irregardless" instead of "regardless". The same goes for orientated/oriented, commentated, commented, etc.
 - Things I detest: People already stopped inching forward at a red light.
 - Things I like: Blowing out candles and watching the smoke.
 - Things I detest: People using the heart to symbolize love.
 - Things I like: Books with matching bindings.
 - Things I like: Voices resonating through bedsprings.
 - Things I like: Van art.
 - Things I like: The sound pots half filled with water make against the side of the sink.
 - Things I detest: The words 'savory', 'tasty', or 'slather'
 - Things I detest: Men who fake-bake. Maybe fake-baking in general...
 - Things I detest: Self-assessments

02-02-04
The One About the Haircut
Friday I got my hair cut for the first time in almost a year. Not because of the near constant prodding from my mother and classmates, but because frankly, I was tired of its malicious eye-stabbing ways. Not a bad hair cut mind you, but anytime someone removes 6 inches + of any part of you, you're going to notice. I've been collecting comments all day. Maybe I'll update this later today.

Person #1
"Your hair looks nice Jon"
 - I had a hat on

Person #2
"Let me see your hair.."
 - "No way"
"Please.."
 - "No, I look like a cancer patient"

Person #3
"Holy cancer patient!"
 - After removing my hat (this was about an hour after person #2)

Person #4
"Jon, I like your haircut"
 - Still wearing aforementioned hat

Person #5
"Why did you cut your hair? Aren't you cold?"

Person #6
"Hey, you're Jonathan!"
 - my cousin

Person #7
"Gaah! Why?!"

Person #8
"Nice haircut Jon"
 - Still still wearing that hat

Person #9 (the band conductor)
"Jon, is that hat hiding something?"
 - I hide behind my baritone
"Its the olde Jon I knew! I was just bragging to my doctor about you.
"We decided you should go to grad school and become a..a..uh.."
 - "a P.A?"
"Yeah, one of those"
 - "Uh, are you paying for it then? Or is he?"
"Well I could adopt you, you could move to Canada and go to school there for free..."
 - "But then my degree would be worthless..."

01-20-04
Today was carnage at the bookstore. Three required books and three books I needed. I don't think it should be frowned upon to buy more books than your courses demand. Especially when you can get a book used that's as good as new for 3/4s the price. I may be the only one on campus though buying books for classes I'm not in because I want to read them. Today's book lust continues with More's Utopia, Solzhenitsyn's Ivan Denisovich, and Nietzsche's Thus Spoke Zarathustra. Unfortunately these go to the bottom of the pile of other books to read.

01-14-04
I finally got a response to my PETA suggestion box, but it was a MESSAGE UNSENT alert. So I'm looking to the info line for either resending it or the suggestion box page.

01-12-04
Often my source for really cool and/or lame things on the internet, Dirty comes to rescue me from a blogging rut. Now I too can become a lifetime member for only $29.95 credit card or money order. To what you ask? To get paid to drive me car with a huge advertisement on it. Yarr, that's right, its a pirate car. Or even better, I can get a new car with ads already all over it. I can get paid up to $3200 per month. All I have to do to apply is send in my thirty bones and fill out some credit card application or sign up for a 30-day product trial. Then I'll be eligible for my free gift card of $50. $50.. $50... I thought I was signing up to drive my car around with an ad on it... Maybe the fee is for the free gift card. As you can clearlyhttp://www.freecardirectory.net/ ) see, the details aren't all that clear except for that they're sure you will be 100% satisfied and they do accept credit cards. If you really like the idea, you can become an affiliate and get $12 for every $30 sign-up fee you rein in. This is starting to look more like a pyramid scam. And less like a good idea. Ah well, click at your own risk.

01-04-04
Yesterday the dog we've had for 10 years or so got his foot run over. Not a big deal, but he's an olde dog. We weren't sure if he'd make it, and my dad didn't want to see him suffer. He was ready to take him out back and give him the leaden goodbye. This of course was neither ok with my mom nor really necessary. Once we bandaged the foot up and gave him some shots, he started walking on it again. Watching my dad go through this was nothing new to me. I've seen him deal with family member death before. He hates seeing them suffer and just waiting around for death. And in this case, its a dog, so its legal to put him down yourself. This got me thinking about when he gets older. There is no doubt in my mind that he secretly pines for some sort of Viking funeral. Where death is nothing to be feared, but to be embraced with all of one's possessions. I wish our family had traditions like that. The burning ships, the killing of all the servants, extravagant, beautiful, pagan traditions. I feel I have to let him. What do you say to a man when he knows his time has come?

But things were already busy getting out of hand...

Books I read in 2004
J.R.R. Tolkien - The Return of the King
J.R.R. Tolkien - The Two Towers
J.R.R. Tolkien - The Fellowship of the Ring
J.R.R. Tolkien - The Hobbit
J.D. Salinger - Raise High the Roof Beam Carpenters / Seymour
C.S. Lewis - The Last Battle
C.S. Lewis - The Silver Chair
C.S. Lewis - The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
C.S. Lewis - Prince Caspian
C.S. Lewis - The Horse and His Boy
C.S. Lewis - The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
C.S. Lewis - The Magician's Nephew
Michael Crichton - Jurassic Park
Alfred W. Crosby - The Measure of Reality
William Faulkner - The Sound and the Fury
Truman Capote - In Cold Blood
Henry Miller - Black Spring
Edith Wharton - Ethan Frome
Robert Cormier - After the First Death
Michael Crichton - Travels
Brian Jacques - Redwall
Ayn Rand - For the New Intellectual
C.S. Lewis - The Screwtape Letters
Michael Crichton - Rising Sun
Gabriel Garcia Marquez - 100 Years of Solitude
Clive Cussler - Valhalla Rising
Susanna Kaysen - Girl, Interrupted
Ray Bradbury - Something Wicked This Way Comes
John Steinbeck - Of Mice and Men
Sir Walter Scott - Ivanhoe
Ayn Rand - The Early Ayn Rand
Oscar Wilde - The Portrait of Dorian Gray and other works
Karl Marx, Friedrich Engels - The Communist Manifesto
Friedrich Nietzsche - Thus Spoke Zarathustra
S.E. Hinton - The Outsiders
Thomas Pynchon - The Crying of Lot 49
Thomas More - Utopia
Upton Sinclair - The Jungle
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn - One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich
Tom Clancy - The Cardinal of the Kremlin
Niccolo Machiavelli - The Prince
Robert M. Pirsig - Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
Michael Crichton - A Case of Need
Aldous Huxley - Time Must Have a Stop
George Orwell - 1984
George Orwell - Animal Farm
Francois Voltaire - Candide
Lewis Carroll -Through the Looking Glass
Lewis Carroll - Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
J.D. Salinger - Nine Stories

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